The Dating Game
A friend called the other day, despairing the difficulty in finding someone he would like to take into his arms, look into his eyes, kiss, and keep going. It was more than lust. He wanted someone to actually love.
I’m not talking about some teenager, but a fellow my age. He a very decent and gracious and any woman of sense upon whom he would lavish his attentions would be grateful. And happy.
No, I’m not shilling for him, but rather wondering about how people find people with whom to partner. I know another guy who has temporarily raised his hopes through pairings using one of the expensive dating systems, but nothing has panned out. My anxious pal has used CraigsList to match up, but doesn’t have much good to say about the process.
Well, duh. When you have people anxious to find a mate, almost always the anxiety produces missteps.
I don’t make light of this issue. Lawd knows there have been lonely months, and years, but all I can report is that my success only came when I wasn’t consciously on the hunt.
We should do more than rely on serendipity. Our species needs to do a better job of teaching succeeding generations about how our minds and hearts work, and what we might do to fine tune our self-awareness. Indeed, David Brooks had a useful OpEd piece in the Times in which he noted the enormous gap in our education; that is, about who we are and how we function.
Here’s what finding a mate – and everything else that is important in life – is all about. Rather than looking outside, we need to work on our inside; instead of operating as a searchlight, being a beacon. Relationships – amorous, professional, and otherwise – are much more likely to succeed when there is less selling and more buying.
And the only other advice I might humbly offer to my friend is that she is out there, wanting you, too.
©2010 SetonnoteS
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